Monday, April 7, 2008

tell those dalmatangs, that i like mine mankattan style

I am heeding your call internet, I'm back. Where I have I been? Well, first I was in the ICU, then I I had about 4 weeks of rehabilitation. Why? Well, I lost both of my hands in a horrible sewing accident (I should have paid more attention in Home Ec. huh?) But I'm back now, thanks to Microsoft Sync™ the voice recognition software, and aside from the Phantom Limb Syndrome I am doing alright. The doctors told me to take it easy with the blarging though, so I am going to make my return by hitting you with....wait for it......a BAROQUE BLOG!

So I am going to mix this one up by adding a new segment I'm going to call, "Elliot Thinks You Should Go To Hell, Seriously Guy, Just Do It, Seriously." or ETYSGTHSGJDS. This is going to be an obvious one but here goes anyway. Hey! Excuse me....EXCUSE ME! Yeah you, loud cell phone talker! I think you should go to hell, seriously guy, just do it, seriously.

That last segment needs some improvement, but I will work on it, I promise. Ah yes, one of my favorite topics, women's fashion. Unfortunately I don't have much to write about here. I really haven't seen any new trends yet this season. Women here are still wearing basically the same shit they've been wearing for the last 6 months. Layers, goofy hats, rain boots, the same Burbury scarf that everyone and their bag of chips owns. Boring! I could blame the sun, but perhaps we've reached the apex of women's fashion here in this city. I'll give it another month before close the file on this one. In the mean time, let me extol the virtues of Paul Frank underwear to all of you, all while telling you that I am currently rocking said underwear. Hot? Fuck yeah that is. Holy shit are these some good underwears. Underwear have always been a point of contention with me when it comes to choosing clothing. I am skinny, very skinny, and I lack buttocks. Most people don't design underwear for me, but Paul Frank, goddamn did he ever! I kind of wish I could walk around in just these, but the site of my hairy sunken chested facade and chicken legs, might overpower the beauty of these underwear, with their screen print of an amp. Buy some, they will fit like magic. Assuming magic has a fit, and I'm confident that it does, because again, I'm wearing it/them.

In music news. Destroyers latest is a major disappointment, but only to me apparently because the critics can't shut up about it. From our local mag The Stranger to Details people won't stop saying that this is by far his best, which is so untrue. But I am going to stay away from becoming a raving fanboy and say that while there are some really good tracks on there, it is not his best. But this has kind of been par for the course this year with new album releases. DevotchKa's latest, is not that good. She & Him, an M. Ward side project featuring my other girlfriend (sorry Buckaroo, a guy's gotta dream) Zooey Deschanel, has alot of "she" but not enough "him", which is a shame because their vocal pairing seems like it would be a silver bullet. Headlights on the other hand, fucking perfect, and if you are a fan of dream pop, silky harmonies, and synth, then you should pick them up. It's a creeper for sure, but I guarantee you'll be humming their songs when not thinking after 3 full listens. But if I had to suggest one album you should get right now, then it would have to be Thao and The Get Down, Stay Down's We Brave Bee Stings and All. It's brilliant, inventive, and there isn't a single throwaway track on there.

I will say only three things about videogames here.

1: Fuck Mr. Proper, and fuck Wii tennis.
2: Ninja Gaiden for the DS is very satisfying.
3: I can't wait for Starwars: The Force Unleashed. I get at least a half stock every time I see a new video for this game, which is weird and confusing.

As most of you will be hearing today, Charlton Heston is fucking dead. This will actually come as no surprise to you though because I was pretty sure he was dead a long time ago. He was as old as Moses, a character he played at one point, who in the bible, apparently live for like 600 years. I could be mixing Moses up with someone else, but I am too lazy to do the research. I can't say much about this guy, I've seen three of his movies. I always thought he was a bit of an over-actor even for his time, when everyone was an over-actor. But maybe I'm a just a cynical dick, who knows. I guess what I would be more interested in is, if there is a heaven, and Moses is actually up there, then he has been waiting a long time to say this:

Moses: Bro, you look nothing like me!
CH: Oh my god! Is this terrorist heaven?!

You'll get that joke about half way through tomorrow. Anyway, tune in next week because I am (finally) changing the BPAABP guy! That's right the logo is changing, would like to be the new silhouette? Well then send me a picture of you with a backpack and a bus pass, or just a back pack and a bus pass, or just something cool to silhouette. Fun! So just send it to me at backpackandabuspass@gmail.com subject:silhouette.

I'll leave you with this idiot. Enjoy!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I have a couple of questions:

1) Does Phantom Limb Syndrome allow you to electrocute adversaries to death with your now-invisible arms?

2) Nathan knows Headlights... I don't know how well, just that a couple of years ago he was like, "Listen to this tune about TV from this band from Chicago!" He might just be MySpace friends with them. I get my wires crossed frequently. This isn't so much a question as a rant, so I'll just say, did you know that Nathan knows Headlights?