been around the world and i've been playa hated

First, listen to this, don't watch the video though just listen. Then, read on.

Did you do it? I'll understand if you couldn't get through the whole thing, but I really think you should in order to understand why I think that this is the worst song I have ever heard, and why pop music is just not the same as it was when I was still listening to it.

The other day, as I was parking yet another rental car, who's renters had the radio tuned to the always inane KUBE 93.3, that very song came on. It was a slow day and I decided to take my time parking the vehicle. The very first thing that I noticed about the track, was that the "rapper" who was "rapping" uses a style of cadence and lyrical flow that many of us will find immediately recognizable. He sounds white, moreover, he sounds like Eminem. Or at least he's trying to, which is probably worse. My point here is that the rapping is bad, but that's just the tip of the iceberg. The rhyming is simple, the hook is stilted, and the construction is obvious, but more on that soon enough.

This song is called "Handlebars" by the Flobots (which is actually not a bad name for a group, but it would only be good if said band had some talent) but if I were to have been the namer of songs on this album, perhaps I would have called it "Training Wheels", because that's what these guys need. Obvious joke or clever observation? You decide.

The first two stanzas have the "rapping dude" not only mentioning that he is a "famous rapper" but that he is also proud to be "an American". Fuck yeah. So when I was sitting in this guests car and I heard this first part I initially thought that this song was a parody, or perhaps sytyrical in some way and even when they reached the first chorus I was still pretty convinced. But then the second third happend...

...and suddenly we have a half-assed politicol discourse, on consumerism, government, and (of all things) slpitting atoms. Leave it to people like these, to educate the future of America on nuclear physics.

Still, I shouldn't be pissed about all this. I was the same way when I was the age of the kids who are getting "psyched" about this type of music. I thought that such top 40 artists such as Rage Against the Machine, Green Day, and Sublime had my best interests in mind. And sure as shit they did, maybe not the bands themselves, but their lable people did, and targeted their music right at me.

Maybe, thats why this song sounds like it has no soul, or anger, hence why the band (or producer) felt the need to add the grungy guitars, weepy frenchorns, and plodding beat. This tracks incoherence is it's ultimate downfall. Played on the radio, and listened to a few times, I can see why this is a popular song. But comparably, to others like it, "Handlebars" falls short due to it's obvious panderance to a market that is so saturated with this bullshit, that maybe the kids who are listening to this stuff feel hopless enough that they will keep buying it, because as long as there are teenagers there will be angsty teen music. Scientists have been searching for a "Perpetual Motion Machine" for years, maybe they should look at their spawn.

So why do I think that this is the worst song I have ever heard? Well, it's simple: How the fuck is that track not a Weird Al Yankovic song? It might be because this shit has been going on for the better part of two decades, and is a proven winning format for a song. Or maybe I am just a jaded mid-twenties dick, with hipster tendencies, living in Seattle, and listening to semi-obscure bands that very few people can relate with. Or maybe I am only a dick.

Question: What's the worst song you have ever heard internet?