I called my friend Dantron the other night to wish him a happy 24th. After talking for a little while he mentioned this blarg, and how he has been reading it. I can't say how much it pleases me when I hear one of my friends, who I don't think read this retarded thing ever, do in fact read...it. He had a few qualms with the new format however. For one he is hardly ever mentioned, and two what the fuck happened to the "Barack" blog? "The 'barack' blog," I asked "What the hell is that?" He then went on a diatribe about all of my "big" words and how it was something I used to sometimes write on MySpace. "Ahhhh...you mean 'baroque' blogs." "Yeah, whatever you snarky fuck, I used to love those hate filled rants. What happened to those?" I then promised that I would bring back the Baroque Blog at least once as a gift to him. So here you are Danny, happy birfday.
There are three things that I will probably never stop thinking about, and that will probably never change in order of importance as long as I live, unless I win the lottery, then 2nd and 3rd will become 1st and 2nd and 1st will become third. Money, Women, and Music. Now: Women. I think about women a lot. So much so that I feel oddly gay when I start critiquing their fashion (I did it here). I'm no prize pig myself when it comes to fashion, but it's pretty hard to rip apart a dude who primarily wears jeans and a t-shirt. Anyway, I've dedicated a lot of thought to this and I think it's time that I just come out and say it. STOP WEARING THOSE ENORMOUS SUNGLASSES. You don't look mysterious, you definitely don't look like the gorgeous Audrey Hepburn (admittedly she doesn't look that good here either however, go back and watch Roman Holiday, then try and tell me to tell me she is not a stunner), and men do not find you more attractive because of them. These fucking things cover up one of, if not the most flattering aspects on a woman. At best, you look like an insect. At worst, Paris Hilton. Please stop.
OMG, video games! Fuck the next gen, the Nintendo DS is where it's at. Not only is the Legend of Zelda: The Phantom Hourglass coming out soon but Square Enix is remaking Final Fantasy VI(?) in glorious 2.5D! I piss my pants every time I think about playing these games, which sucks because it means that I am spending a lot of money on laundry these days, and often reeking of urine.
BREAKING: Page France is my new favorite band. Finish this blarge, and go and buy their new album. Also, these two are almost too much to handle, Mr. Proper and I saw them at the Capitol Hill Block Party last week and they rocked it. Kim is way more cute in person and cannot stop smiling.
Apparently I used to end each of these with the latest death of one of my hero's, and then I would write my own obituary for them. (Un)fortunately, no that I think is cool has died, unless you count my friend Kreamy, who should have died the last time I saw him, except the knife that I used was to dull to actually do any damage, fear not though, because I don't make the same mistakes twice.
Baroque Obama in '08
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- Elliot Akshun
- I am quite possibly the dumbest person on Earth.
5 comments:
You don't know how my heart leapt when I discovered you had posted a new blog! You made my day. That was good one.
ZOMG POODLES FUCKING FAT FLYING FRISBEES! Matt and Kim were hilarious. That was goofnut, if anything was ever goofnut! Pleased to read your semi-rage. It pleases me. One more day in Chapel Hill, and then I'm off. I can't tell if that saddens me, or not. BLARGH.
Girls are reading my blag!? Hallelujah! This shit is really paying off now. Except, I've met dudes with your names as well...damn.
Sorry guys, but I like girls.
Hold on a second here. Why am I dead? If I remember your last visit correctly you illed it with us (us being your friends) for a couple of hours before turning down a boating trip to the river. Then you apparently got blasted with a va-poo-rizer ray and didn’t answer any of our phone calls for the rest of the weekend. It is in fact you who are dead to me… dead to me I say! I wish you only the most painful of deaths (think Braveheart times twelve point three).
Later,
Kreamy
P.S. You have no place being critical of fashion sheeple because when you visited I barely recognized your hipster ass. Jeans with the legs folded up to mid-shin is not a good look.
The fact that you are calling me a hipster shows that you have no idea what a hipster is. Don't mistake those emo kids from PHS for hipsters, who claim that Panic At the Disco! as the best band EVAR!
Plus they weren't folded up to my knee, they were 'cuffed' at my ankle.
Again, I don't get why you guys can't figure out that it's alright for a straight man to have a sense of style. Even in the vaguest meanings of the word 'sense' as is it is in my case.
A-hole.
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