of nerds

Welcome back to Dork Week! I return with yet another personal tale of my dalliances with the nerd kind. Though this is an old post I wrote on MySpace, I think it works well here given the theme and tone. I never said that all of the entries this week were going to be gems. I would love to post everyday with original content but I have a job that takes up a good majority of my life. A job that gives me money, the only thing this blahg gives me is "ego dollars", which they don't except at the liquor store despite my pleading.

Originally posted on MySpace Friday, February 3rd, 2006

Title: "Are you guys going to be using Seahawks glasses today?"

NERRRRRRRDS! Oh, sweet sword of Damaclese, they're everywhere! Wha, what's going on....oh thank Chimpy, I'm just writing a Blog. Sorry about that guys I was just having a flashback from earlier today and my fingers must have started typing by themselves, they do that, alot. Do you want to hear about what I did today? "Oui." Your speaking French now reader? That's cool, I'm into it.

So today I was commissioned to do a little "freelance" bartending for a catering event in Redmond, specifically for Microsoft. To be more specific, it was for the people working on the new Windows OS, 1500 of them to be precise. To be even more precise, 1500 nerds. I'm not joking, this was a real eye-opener. I have never seen so many socially inept people in one place at one time. Jon and I were serving two kinds of beer, Mac & Jacks and Moose Drool, which were clearly visible behind, and still we were asked what kind of beer we had. Here is a memorable example.

Nerd: Are you guys serving beer?

The Help: Yes, we are. Plus, we have wine!

N: What do you guys have?

TH: (TH looks at N with the "Are you serious look?" or AYSL) Well, we have M & J, Moose Drool, Merlot and Chardonay.

N: So can I get a beer?

TH: Yes you can. Which one would you like?

N: I'll take a Budweiser.

TH: (AYSL) We don't have that. We only have M & J and M. D.

N: Ok, I'll take a Miller Lite then.

TH: (Grabs an M & J and hands it to N) There you go sir, enjoy.

N: Nanu, nanu.

TH: Word.

This happened at least four to five hundred more times today, sans the whole "Nanu, nanu." thing, that happened only once.

It gets better. I had the privildge of listening to some of the convo's these people were having, but none were better than the one I am about to describe to you. I'll spare you the actual dialogue this time. So, there was this woman talking to three nerds. I'm calling her a woman only because she was one of the 5 among the 1495 men that work in this particular department. There could have been more, I did mistake many pony-tail-rockin' dudes for chicks and vice-versa...still. Digression. Anyway, so this rather 'damaged' woman was drunkenly telling these nerds how to score, and they were hanging on her every word. Now, I have never claimed to be good with women, I'm no Casanova, but compared to these guys, I'm a regular Brad Pitt, or Eugene Levy, it's up to the eye of the beholder. So she was telling these guys "Oh, but you're cool!" and "You have a good personality!". Which even to me translates to "Pray to god that in your next life, your name is Leif. Because if it is, you have at the very least, 30% more of a chance of scoring with a female without paying." These guys were "Lovin'it" though, and I am sure it helped.